The True Impact of a Thriving Marriage on Our Family

Falling in love can feel effortless at first. You connect, understand, and feel drawn to each other in a way that feels natural. In those early days, being with your partner feels like the most right thing in the world. But as time moves on, life, work, and kids come into the picture. The demands and responsibilities of daily life add layers of complexity to your relationship, and what once felt easy can become more challenging.

Nearly 9 years into my marriage, I’ve come to realize that marriage is not about perfection; it’s about growing together through every stage of life. It’s a partnership that requires intentionality and effort from both people every single day. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to marriage, but I’ve learned a few principles that have truly made a difference in my own relationship.

Recently, I attended a marriage seminar that deeply impacted my perspective. The Gottman Institute, renowned for their research on couples, shared some fascinating insights. One key takeaway for me was the importance of the husband's role in the marriage. His actions and decisions have a major influence on the overall health of the relationship and family life. I hadn’t fully realized how significant this dynamic is, but it’s becoming clearer each day.

Another surprising insight was that most divorces are initiated by women. This is often because their emotional “bank account” becomes depleted. When a woman’s emotional needs aren’t being met, frustration builds, and that can eventually cause the relationship to falter. It was eye-opening for me to realize that small, consistent acts of love and affirmation make a huge difference in sustaining a marriage.

One powerful way to nurture your relationship is by making “daily deposits” into your partner’s emotional bank account. This means showing love, offering support, and communicating regularly. These small gestures—whether a simple compliment, a hug, or a thoughtful gesture—serve to strengthen your bond over time. Likewise, paying attention to your partner's "bids for affection"—those small moments when they reach out for connection—is crucial. Whether it’s a touch, a question, or simply seeking your attention, acknowledging and responding to these moments helps nurture the relationship.

Understanding each other’s love language is another important tool for strengthening a marriage. The love languages quiz has been invaluable in helping me recognize how my husband receives love versus how I express it. By understanding these differences, we can build a deeper, more meaningful connection.

Love Language Quiz

The more I reflect on this, the more I see that the role of men in marriages is essential. The decisions they make, how they lead, and how they show up for their families have a profound impact on the health and success of the marriage. Today, more than ever, men need to have the tools to be strong, loving leaders in their homes. While women certainly play a huge role in the marriage dynamic, when men rise to this challenge, families thrive.

Perhaps the most profound takeaway from all of this is the importance of marriage for the next generation. Research shows that children from stable, healthy marriages are more likely to thrive emotionally, socially, and academically. They feel more secure, are less likely to struggle with behavioral issues, and often perform better in school. The National Marriage Project has found that children in homes where parents have strong, healthy marriages experience fewer struggles and do better in life overall. A stable marriage is foundational to a child’s well-being.

Proverbs 22:6 reminds us, "Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they will not depart from it." The health of our marriage is something our children will carry with them into their own relationships. They learn from what they see. If we want them to grow up understanding love, communication, and sacrifice, we need to model that in our marriage.

This journey of marriage is not about being perfect; it’s about learning, growing, and choosing each other, day after day. Prioritizing our marriage, even in the midst of life’s chaos, is one of the best gifts we can give to ourselves—and to our children.

It’s not always easy, and there are times when it feels easier to walk away. But, I’ve learned that when we invest in our marriages, we invest in our families. And that’s the most worthwhile investment of all.

Praying for strong marriages and bright futures for all of us,
Love,
Steph

Mark 10:9 Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.